I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
