I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
