dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Green mimosas i think yes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
