remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
