Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Text me some of your sweat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
