WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
