god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
