McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who died my cat blue again?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
