bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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