so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
