I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
