Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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