Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
