I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
