Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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