Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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