I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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