Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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