we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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