she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
