New invention idea: vibrating tampons
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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