Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
