Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
