hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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