The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
