I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
