At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
