so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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