You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
