i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
