3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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