btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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