i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
