people are starting to question the shark bite story
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
