The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
