So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
