No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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