i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
