im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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