the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
