He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
