How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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