Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize