im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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