Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
