dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
