shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
