I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
