peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
