i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
