Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
