Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
