Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
