....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
