She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
