since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
They are going to name an STD after you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
