I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
