Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
