Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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