You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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