I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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