i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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