The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
