I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
