remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
