I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
