he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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