I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
