Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
