I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
