just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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