Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
