It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
