But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
