my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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