i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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