why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was CRYING into my vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
