Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
