He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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