Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
