So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
