You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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