just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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