Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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