Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
