my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
