whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
