I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
