Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
