im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
