I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
