Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
