I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
